Part 18: Page 18: The Tempest

Page 18: The Tempest


Chocobo Village

Now that we have all three coreshells, we can finally get this thing under way.



Bebuzzu had his greasy little pages on it, huh? Looks like he doesn't want us going to the Technolith.

We hand over the rest of the coreshells.



Technolith, here we come! I'll go ahead and get my bird all ready to take off.

We'll give you a hand, Cid!

Boco! Don't take too long to get ready!

We've already finished everything, so let's head off to the airship.



Also, they've managed to fix the giant furrow that the airship landing caused. Go team.

Fasten your seatbelts, kids. They don't call me a genius for nothing!

I wasn't aware that airships have seatbelts. Every person usually just stands on the deck, if I recall my FFVI correctly.



Yep, that's it, alright.

Eeek!

Why did she scream, you may ask?



That's why. There's been a white flash occasionally - it's only a few frames long and so it's hard to get. I was lucky to grab this shot.

This lightning is insane! It's almost like it's got a mind of its own!

But it can't! Lightning is just a natural occurrence, right?

Not anymore. Look at that! The Technolith is spewing out that lightning itself. That ain't natural!



If we stay up here any longer, we'll make a nasty transition from rare to well done! I'm taking her down. Brace for impact!


Mako Reactor

How on earth did he manage to land? He'd stated that he couldn't get near the stupid tower before. I can't...that's...ugh. We're literally one screen away.

Nice flying, Cid! Your bird runs nice...when she has fuel, anyway.

Save the praise for later. Things are gonna get rough from here out. If that tower's got lightning for exterior defenses, I'd hate to see what's on the inside!

Anyway, one screen up...



It's "cat," Peekaboo, "cat." We've been over this before. But enough of your idiotic idioms! On to the matter at hand... We heard you clowns experienced a little turbulence on your flight over, so we came to--



Suddenly, Cid.

They belong to this pigtailed harpy named Irma. The two of them have been messing with us ever since we started this whole "save the world" hullabaloo--

What'd you say!? YOU'RE the one who's always messing with US!

I'm just going to point out that they've always been the antagonist, not us. After all, we're the protagonist so we're always in the moral right

Calm down, my overzealous, oversized friend. We're not here to fight. Not this time. We're here to warn them about "it"!

You mean the "you-know-what" that does "stuff"?

that's delightfully vague.

Precisely! I just hope their poor, little hearts can take it. So long for now...suckers!



On our left is a balloon. There's a card that we'll need eventually.



On our right is that fucking hamster again. How the hell did he manage to make it here? He can't swim, and I'm pretty sure he didn't stow away. What a fucker.

My endeavorsh around the globe continue chu eshcalate! Shoon I will be shtrong enough chu shmite any advershary, big or shmall, no matter where, why, or who! Though it may be shocking, there ish one thing I am shtill shcared of--electrishity!



Fuck you. Hate hate hate hate hate.

Glad chu have you along!



Move de Chocobo
Wacky Wallclimb

Okay, so this fucking microgame. It's bad. I dislike it. But it's bad for all the wrong reasons - it's not terribly difficult. Sure, the gold is a stretch goal and it's difficult to reach, but the game itself isn't hard. The biggest problem is that the hitboxes on those grabby things are absolutely terrible. First off, it's a DS control-based game. So there's that. Second, the grabby things don't actually grab. They have to be more or less directly on the green nodes, and if they aren't they fall. Now, the thing is, they don't actually grab on contact. No. They only grab when you let go of them. If they're not there, they swing down and fall straight down. Now, you have to make it up to the 45.00m mark. There's almost always two paths - the safe path and the short path. If you want to make the 45.00m in the 90 seconds, you need to take the short path most of the time. Only problem with that is the electrical sparks that are deadly if they touch any part of Chip OR his grabby things (I really need a name for them).



Fuck everything. The only reason it's not the worst microgame is because Jelly Jiggler is a thing that exists and nothing will ever be worse than that

Thankth chu your help, I've churprithed even mythelf! Take thith!



That wath the greateth quetht ever! I want you chu have my thpecial card!



Anyway, that's over. Let's head inside the tower!



Mako Reactor

Looks fancy, don't it? And don't think I missed that thing in the bottom left

So this is what the inside looks like... I wonder how high up it goes.

Wait! Do you hear that sound? It's like a motor... or... No, it's quieter than that.

Pretty sure that's the sound of the escalator about ten feet to your right. Just saying.

Now that you mention it... I hear something, too.

That's probably the sound of the escalator about five feet to your right.

Shirma, what do you--Shirma! What's wrong? You look pale!





Cue the flashback sepia filter. I'm just going to let this scene play itself out.

???: Shir...ma... .........Shirma...

It can't be! That voice... Father!?

???: Shirma, I'm leaving the chocobo farm up to you. It's where I met your mother, and where we all lived happily together as a family. Do you remember how you could bring a smile to anyone's face when you were young? I wanted those days to last forever, but then the war took everything away from us...

Father...

???: You've grown into a fine young lady, Shirma. I'm proud of you. But I have to go fight... I have to...protect...you...and your mother...

Father, wait! Wait! The war's already over!

???: Over? It's not over! The war has just begun! Not a single soul will be spared! All hail the mighty Darkmaster Bebuzzu!

Father, no! What are you saying!?

And then, end scene. Yes, the ??? father figure just flips on the crazy switch like that. It's kinda jarring.



Shirma, don't be fooled!

Wh-what happened!?

What you saw and heard wasn't real, Shirma. It appears this tower is equipped with machinery that can project...illusions on the people inside.

So that's what Greeble meant about our hearts...?

I'm willing to look past the whole 'messing with memories' thing because it's a Final Fantasy game. But apparently, sound causes this? I don't even know anymore.



The problem we now face is that the escalator is moving downwards too quickly for us to climb. As such, we need some extra help.



The kind we'll get from an old friend. It's been a while since we've seen these guys, isn't it?


Prelude
The Adamantoise and the Cactuar: Rescue on the Rapids Prologue

Months passed by after the thrilling competition between the cactuar and the adamantoises, and winter was ready to settle in over the land.
"My winter stocks are gone, it seems! I guess I'll have to head downstream!"
But the adamantoises tried to stop the cactuar from going. "The water on the river runs rapid this time of year, friend. It's also far too chilly."
"Don't get your shells into a bunch! I'll be right back in time for lunch!"
"Didn't you save up food during the summertime?"
Unfortunately, the cactuar had spent his midsummer days frolicking in the sun, and had ignored the important task at hand.
"There are even stories about a real whale of a monster in the river waters," warned the adamantoises.
"No fear! No fear! I'm outta here!"
And so the cactuar set out on the river in his wee little raft, having ignored the wise advice of his friends...

This part, at least, is a reference to another of Aesop's Fables. This one is a reference to The Ants and the Grasshopper. It's a similar plot; the Grasshopper didn't collect foodstores for the winter, choosing instead to sing while the Ants worked all summer long. Then winter showed up and the Grasshopper presumably died because of starvation.





All we have unlocked now is Trial Mode. What we're aiming for is the 50 second mark. There is another Trial Mode reward, one you get for not hitting any walls.



So the little Cactuar is just drifting down the river...



...when suddenly HOLY FUCK WHALE.


Fiddle de Chocobo
Rescue on the Rapids Trial Mode

Anyway, so we gotta rescue the little bastard. This game controls the exact same as the first book except in reverse; when you're not touching the Adamantoise it speeds up instead of stopping. Also of note: you can drift the tortoise. I do this a couple of times. It's no boar drifting, but it comes close



You have no idea how many tries it took to get both under 50 seconds and no collisions. It got kinda hectic, though nothing can piss me off now. This image is from the first try.


Victory

Note the time difference? This one's from the video.





Hooray, more cards. Go us!



Because we played the game (technically, we finished in under three minutes) we've unlocked our first epilogue.


Prelude
The Adamantoise and the Cactuar: Rescue on the Rapids Epilogue - Prickly Pride 2

"No fear! No fear! I'm outta here!" Soon after departing, the cactuar lost control of his raft, which was casting into some rocks by the ragin' waters. "Help! Help" I'm allergic to kelp!"
Suddenly, the gigantic whale Bismarck emerged from the depths of the river and opened his titanic maw, waiting for the cactuar to lose his grip.
Luckily, the equally amphibious adamantoises were able to rescue the cactuar before he was served up as Bismarck's mid-afternoon snack.



"If you had done what you were supposed to do in the summer, this wouldn't have happened," the adamantoises scolded.
But the cactuar was too embarrassed and too shaken up by the day's trauma to listen reasonably. "You greedy misers! Oh, the nerve! Insults are all you'll ever serve!"
Then the agitated cactuar, who could bear it no more, unleashed a flurry of spines at his friends... who were only trying to help.

Again, in the first epilogue everyone has to be a dick. It's some sort of law or something.



Anyway, our outside effect is a gigantic Cactuar popping that balloon that was holding the card.



Let's check it out, shall we? It's got the number 39 on it.



Next up, versus 3.


Fiddle de Chocobo
Rescue on the Rapids Versus 3

Second (third?) verse, same as the first. Our only difference is that at the beginning a couple other chocobos push me around.



Victory

Bullshit they were two seconds behind me. No way.



Anyway, we've saved another friend.



Where am I? Who are you? ...Mom? Wait a minute... It's coming back to me now... Boco, right? If you don't mind, could you drop by? If we chatted, I'm sure I would be able to remember some other things, too...

I can't help but see Sweenie spelled with a Y. 'Care for a shave, Boco?'

Skipping through all the other bullshit...


Fiddle de Chocobo
Rescue on the Rapids Versus 4

Yeah, we've seen this shit before. Not even trying to make it interesting.


Victory

Bwahah fuck Greeble and Peekaboo.



Our only reward this time is another epilogue.


Prelude
The Adamantoise and the Cactuar: Rescue on the Rapids Epilogue - Whale's Wrath

"No fear! No fear! I'm outta here!" Soon after departing, the cactuar lost control of his raft, which was casting into some rocks by the raging waters. "Help! Help" I'm allergic to kelp!"
Suddenly, the gigantic whale Bismarck emerged from the depths of the river and opened his titanic maw, waiting for the cactuar to lose his grip.
Luckily, the equally amphibious adamantoises were able to rescue the cactuar before he was served up as Bismarck's mid-afternoon snack.
"Thanks a bunch! I was almost that whale's lunch!"



But Bismarck was one unhappy camper. "How dare you steal away my most delicious treat!?"
"Now, now, I'm sure we can work this--"
"Silence!!!" Suddenly, Bismarck unleashed a powerful stream of water at the group of friends.
Luckily for them, they were strong against the water, and it didn't hurt... not even one little bit.



And somehow we've managed to cause it to rain indoors. That's an impressive feat in itself.


Mako Reactor

It killed the boiler and stopped the escalator.



Before you say anything, no, that button doesn't actually do anything.



I've never seen a one-person elevator before. Cool.



Don't think I can't see you up there

As we approach the second elevator...



What kind of elevator only has room for one passenger!?

It's that...sound again.

Oh joy. More transposition.

What!? But I can't... Do you hear it, Croma?

No, nothing at all!

It's getting louder...and louder...



Th-that's not Uncle Cid...

The screen shakes.

B-bombs!? But why! This is meaningless!

???: Look out!

Mommy?

???: Oh, Shirma! Thank goodness you're safe! I was so worried!

Mommy, what's wrong? You're bleeding... Does it hurt? Mommy! Mommy!!!

???: Shirma, I'm sorry...but Mommy...

Mommy, no!

???: Don't be sad, Shirma. We are all...born when the time is right......and die...when the time is right...

You can't die, Mommy! Please, no!

???: You must always smile, dear. If you cry, you might miss all the wonderful things to come.

Mommy, nooooooo!

I know this sounds remarkably talking-head-like, but it IS. That's the thing!

???: Mommy told you not to cry! Little girls who don't listen to their parents end up as dinner for Darkmaster Bebuzzu! Ha-ha-ha! Ha-ha-ha!

Mommy?

You know, I'd try to make some jokes about SUBMIT TO THE DARKNESS! but the game really just makes them for me.



My memories are being...twisted. Changed into horrible, horrible... Sorry about that... I'm alright now. It's okay! We have to keep going!

So, what this is trying to tell us is that a) there was a huge war a while back while Shirma and Croma were kids and b) both of Shirma's parents are dead. It's a very subtle bit of storytelling that I missed the first time through playing this game.

Either way, this update's gotten a bit long, so that's all for now.

Next time: Fuck storybooks forever.